Humans are by nature social creatures. Most people crave some level of intimacy, companionship, and lasting connection with others.
On the other side of connection, however, lies loneliness. When you can’t see or speak to someone you care about, the pain of their absence and lingering memories of your time together can take up residence in your heart.
Sometimes, you can solve the problem of missing someone by picking up the phone or dropping by for a visit. But it’s not always possible to reconnect, and the resulting feelings of loss and sadness can start to build up to the point where they start to overshadow every aspect of your daily life.
Ruminating on loneliness generally won’t do much to relieve your distress, but these 17 tips can help you cope more effectively, whether you’re missing an ex or grieving the loss of a close family member.
General tips for any situation
If you care for someone and enjoy spending time with them, it’s only natural to mourn their absence when they leave. Even a temporary separation isn’t always easy to bear.
Take care of yourself
Tending to emotional wounds is just as important as treating physical ones. You might not need stitches or an ice pack, but a little self-compassion can go a long way toward healing your pain.
You’ve experienced a loss, and you’ll likely need time to adjust before feeling like yourself again. Treating yourself with kindness by practicing good self-care can help you make it through this adjustment period more easily.
Self-care for emotional distress might include:
setting aside enough time for restful sleep each night
choosing nourishing, mood-boosting foods
getting in some exercise — long walks are great for processing complex feelings
reaching out to loved ones for emotional support
Make time to sit with your feelings
Ignoring the pain of missing someone might seem like a good way to get rid of it, but avoidance usually has the opposite effect. Emotions are persistent, and the distress you thought you buried can come bubbling back up, at times when you feel unprepared to confront it.
There’s nothing wrong with missing someone and feeling sad about your loss. It’s also common to want to escape these feelings. Who wants to experience pain?
Yet research from 2010Trusted Source suggests that accepting negative emotions may help relieve the distress they can cause. Avoiding them, on the other hand, could contribute to worsened mental health symptoms, including depression.
Of course, you probably don’t want to let your distress take over your day.
Instead, find some quiet time where you can investigate your feelings:
Accept whatever emotions — love, regret, anger — come up without judgment.
Explore your emotions to better understand where they come from.
Encourage yourself with positive self-talk. “This is hard, but it will get better” may have a more positive impact than “They left. Get over it already.”
Interact with others
“Missing” describes a unique loneliness felt for one person, so it’s normal to feel as if no one else can fill the empty space in your heart.
Yet other friends and loved ones can offer compassion, empathy, and other emotional support. They can simply listen or distract you by suggesting activities that take your mind off your loneliness.
Spending time with others also reminds you to cherish other social connections and relationships.
Even striking up a conversation with people you encounter in daily life — whether that’s a delivery driver or others stuck in the same long line — could help promote feelings of belonging and happiness.
Participating in social activities and community groups can also help relieve loneliness and lead to new connections.
Though spending time with others may not ease your longing entirely, companionship can still help lift your spirits — if you let it.
Immerse yourself in something you enjoy
Hobbies and other enjoyable activities can provide positive distractions that help you cope with the pain of missing someone until it starts to fade.
It may help more to focus on your own interests for now rather than previously shared hobbies. When the sting of their absence is still fresh, you might find it tough to go it alone on things you used to do together.
In need of a new hobby? Try:
home improvement projects, like painting an accent wall or restoring a piece of old furniture
art or craft projects, like collaging, painting, photography, or scrapbooking
creative writing
birdwatching, hiking, or other outdoor activities
If they’re far away
Even when you know you’ll see the person you’re missing eventually, you might still feel pretty bereft right now. Time might seem to drag, making it difficult to turn your attention toward anything else as you count the days.
Schedule a remote hangout
Staying in touch is key, whether you’re separated by a continent, a few states, or COVID-19 protocols.
Chatting via text messages, telephone, and video chat may not bring the same feelings of fulfillment as face-to-face interaction, but virtual interaction can help you feel more connected as you wait out the separation. Planning regular times to “meet” gives you something to look forward to.
In between virtual hangouts, why not try writing a letter to tell them they’re in your thoughts?
Handwritten letters might seem old-fashioned, but they offer a great way to share feelings. Since you can’t hit the backspace button, it becomes more important to focus on your thoughts as you write and choose words that truly convey your emotions.
Embrace reminders and mementos
During regular periods of separation — if you’re in a long-distance relationship, for example — keeping a few of their belongings around your house can help remind you they’ll return before long.
Even when you know, logically, that the distance won’t last forever, daily reminders can still help cement this fact in your awareness, making your separation more bittersweet than simply bitter.
Toss their sweater over the back of the armchair, use their shampoo occasionally, play their favorite album, and let a few of their books linger on the coffee table. That way, they still feel present in your life, even if they’re temporarily away.
Get back in touch with yourself
Many people in romantic relationships and close friendships end up doing a lot of things together, which sometimes leaves you with less time for yourself.
Everyone needs some alone time on occasion. While a temporary separation can leave you lonely, it also provides the opportunity for some self-discovery.
Take this chance to pursue new interests or things you enjoy that your loved one doesn’t, whether that’s a solo camping trip or a weekend solely dedicated to art films.
-healthline.com